


The Rules

by Strange_Archivist



Series: Everything, Every Things [6]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 10:42:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12725082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strange_Archivist/pseuds/Strange_Archivist
Summary: "Hopper takes another long drag of his cigarette. That hadn't been the answer he'd been looking for, but shit if it ain't the right one. Damn this boy."Hopper lays down the rules for Mike.





	The Rules

He hates this. He  _hates_ this. Hopper never really imagined himself being the sort of dad who tries to serve as a chastity belt for his daughter. The sort of dad who's conveniently cleaning his guns when his daughter's boyfriend comes over.

He figures part of that might be because Sarah was "supposed" to be a boy. Course, ultrasound readings to determine sex weren't at all accurate then. Nor are they now really. "Must've had a hand down there!" one doctor had exclaimed. "At least you know she's modest!" What the hell? She was a damn baby. But he hadn't spent much time being annoyed at that idiot doctor because Sarah was perfect.

After that, he still hadn't spent much time envisioning himself as the chastity belt type dad. Sarah was a baby. Plenty of time before she'd start dating. And then Sarah got sick. And sicker. And it became impossible to imagine a world in which she might grow to an age where she could date at all.

But now the universe has given him a teenage daughter anyway. And she's dating. Technically, she'd been with the Wheeler kid since he'd taken her to that stupid snowball, or as the Henderson kid had called it, "suck-face '84", but they hadn't really had the chance to go on what Hopper considered real dates. First with her near year of confinement to the cabin and then with the kids still being, well, kids, they'd mostly done things in a big, loud (oh SO loud), group of nerdiness.

This is the first time they're really doing something that seems like a proper date. Something like what adults who date would do. And that, if Hopper's honest with himself, is what really terrifies him. Not that Mike might be as much of a scoundrel as he was at that age (he knows he isn't), not that they're hormonal teenagers and hormones make you feel and say and do dumb stuff (they do, but neither of those kids is stupid), not that they obviously have intense feelings for one another and they've already got two pregnant classmates. No. It's her growing up that he's not prepared for.

The Wheeler kid's alright, as far as boys her age go. He's scrawny, all arms and legs and eyes, like a half-year old puppy, but El looks at him like he's some sort of superman. The kid arrives at their house in his parents' station wagon, eyes bright, brandishing his new driver's license, the early winter snow apparently not at all a deterrent in him passing his driver's license test.

"El, Mike's here!" Hopper shouts, after letting the kid in.

"Be there in a minute!" she shouts back from her room.

"So you passed the test, huh?" he asks Mike, picking up his newspaper again.

"Uh, yessir," the kid says.

"Have any trouble?"

"No sir."

"Good." He sets his paper down to pick up his pack of cigarettes and lighter. He's been trying to quit, El insisted it was bad for him, but well, he gave up doughnuts for that girl. One thing at a time. "She's been excited about this all week. You two. Going out. On your own."

Beat. "Uh, yeah. Me too. I mean-"

"Look, kid, I don't wanna be the guy that threatens to shoot off your bits if you start thinking with them more than that head of yours but-"

"We aren't going to do  _that_ ," Mike cuts him off, indignant.

"Hmph," Hopper responds. That is, of course, the correct answer, but he doesn't have to acknowledge it.

"Look, just, you know the rules, right?"

"You mean the former 'don't be stupid' now 'don't draw attention to yourselves and get found out' rules?"

Well, those rules are important too but, "No. I mean, when it comes to dating my daughter."

The kid colors. "Oh. Um. You mean, her body, her rules?"

Hopper takes another long drag of his cigarette. That hadn't been the answer he'd been looking for, but shit if it ain't the right one. _Damn_ this boy.

"Yeah. Yeah kid, her body, her rules. Where'd you pick that up from?"

"Nancy," the boy says simply.

Of course. Hopper wonders for a second if perhaps he'd had an older sister, well, no sense in wandering down that existential path.

El appears then, her hair a halo of static-y frizz she's obviously tried to tamp down unsuccessfully with a dryer sheet.

"Mike!" she says, rushing to him to hug him. Hopper can hear the zap of static as she connects with the boy. "Sorry. It's this sweater, always so static-y! But I wanted to make sure I was warm enough."

"It's ok," Mike says, smiling at her so wholly Hopper thinks it would be cute if it weren't a little sickening. Or maybe vice versa.

"Where you kids headed?"

"Mike's taking me ice skating," El says, beaming at the boy. "So I wanted to dress warm. We may or may not be having an impromptu snowball fight after that."

"Oh really?" the boy asks, laughing. "A rematch then? No levitating snowballs this time. People might see. It's against the rules."

El scrunches up her face in a pretend pout and sticks her tongue out. "Fine. Maybe just making snow angels then." She crosses the room to hug Hopper and he thinks, seeing her face so eager to play in the snow, that maybe she's not growing up too fast after all.

"We're probably going to get hot chocolate from that cafe you like after. Want us to pick you up some of those brownie cookies?" she asks.

"Wouldn't say no to 'em, but maybe just a half dozen this time. Doc says cut down on the sugar."

She gives him a hard look. "Doc also said to cut down on the cigarettes."

"And I have! First one all day, scouts honor." Like he was ever a boy scout. Not the point though. Here he's thinking she's too adult, then she's acting like a kid getting ready to build a snow fort, now she's acting like an adult daughter taking care of her aging father. Maybe growing up isn't a straight line. Which means he'll watch this perfect little - but not so little anymore girl, grow step by painstaking step. It's all too much. This is his first cigarette of the day, but he might just have to have a second. He doesn't say any of this out loud though. Out loud he says, "Be home by curfew, ok kid?"

"Of course."

"Wheeler?"

"Yessir?"

"Drive safe. Remember the rules."

An audible gulp, but the kid doesn't flinch, and Hopper respects that. "Yessir."

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted a slight twist on the traditional "dad intimidates boyfriend" trope because as much as I love protective Dad Hopper, I hatehatehate the "must protect my daughter's virginity at all costs" protective dad mode. It's wrapped up in some super gross patriarchal bullshit, and I really hope the Duffers can figure a way to have this moment where the chief makes Mike feel awkward (because, who wouldn't love that?) that still somehow subverts the sexist "I know all men are pigs" protective dad trope.


End file.
